1. Commitment Issues

It’s no surprise that a person who has been badly wounded from a previous relationship may still be in the process of getting his life back together and learning to put himself first again. The time it takes to do this heavily depends on the person and the weight of circumstances that led to their breakup. In most cases, lack of commitment or compromise is not solely because the person is selfish but it’s because they had every last drop of selflessness sucked out of them.

Other reasons for lack of commitment according to Carl Rusbult, may be explained by Interdependence Theory. Rusbult points out that investment and alternatives are crucial to relationship commitment. For example, for some men, they find few benefits and higher costs in modern relationships that result in low motivation to commit. According to researchers, some men opt to explore relationship alternatives to support their varying needs while others pursue non-committal relationships rather than deeper connections.

Moreover, only when people see their ultimate need for each other through complementary ways, dismiss alternatives and invest in each other, commitment is likely to happen. Whatever the reason for lack of commitment may be, putting up with it is a choice.

  1. You’re not in the picture. Yet.

This person may have been accustomed to living his/her life without depending on anyone after the previous relationship. It’s also possible that your SO is still figuring out where you guys are in the relationship, your level of connection and whether he/she sees a future with you. If new in the relationship, it may be understandable. Pushing him/her to include you in every area of his life could be a recipe for disaster. An opportunity and time to allow this person to open his life up to you could help but how long depends on your patience.

  1. No attachment safeguard

It’s imperative to understand that the person you’re dating had the nerve to leave something so wonderful and meaningful behind him/her and doing the same to you (no matter what you have) is just an easy peasy. For example, this person had been in a 10-year relationship (have kids) with his teenage sweetheart, but still mastered the strength to leave. How likely will you not experience the same given you’re just dating in the past 2 months?

Sometimes, this person thinks it’s better to walk away than invest more energy and time. This is a hard situation to be in but if you see it’s worth the fight, then a way to make it work is possible.

  1. No out-of-their-way act

For a person who is emotionally broken, going the first mile (open himself to date someone new or commit) is probably hard itself what more taking the extra mile. It’s important to understand that like trust, this is something to be earned—as it’s something that was substantially abused before.

You cannot expect your SO to do this right off the bat but experts suggest to lead by example. Showing off how able you are to do this may let you see if he/she is also able to reciprocate.

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